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Friday, January 16, 2009

God Bless this child



The hallways finally fell silent. My room was now empty, maybe tonight I'd slip into deep slumber? I knew my time was drawing nearer but had managed to put that excitement aside, another girl would cry in pain, only one room away, a friend, a mother-to-be.

The shuffling of squeaky shoes, nurses shoes. The 'sister' on duty and also on her toes! Moments later I too woke, but not with pain, a strange warmth beneath me, and I was lying in it. The sheets and my nightgown, soaked! A clock somewhere told me I'd awoken right on midnight, and the shuffling now returned, this time the shoes ran towards me! The sister's orders had to be repeated to the young nurse, she, like me thrown into a strange panic! "I hope you don't lose anymore water Debbie" words that found their way into my muddled mind, telling me that it was now, my turn! "Get her a wheelchair, she won't be able to walk!" Had I suddenly lost all use of my lower limbs??? Why would I need to be wheeled up to Maternity? "I'm not ready yet!!" words that returned laughter, the only words I recall shouting as the journey began.....By 6am, I was asking questions to any nurse who would listen, "Where is my husband? Has anyone called him? He works night-shift and..." The nurse in attendance more interested in giving instructions to the oxygen mask, but it only gave her grief "You're not doing it right!" her frustration now annoying me. Finally, a familiar and friendly face appeared at the foot of my bed. "Hello Zebbie" His accent always made me smile, I had the best doctor any girl delivering her first baby, could ask for. He was gentle, kind and very patient. He knew all the right words, and as the hours dragged on,{ the pain nothing I'd ever imagined & without any of those 'classes', definitely unprepared!} my fears grew....it was not at all what I had pictured, but the midwives assisting my doctor stuck by me through it all. At 22, I was still a baby, about to become a mother. She finally arrived, at 4.34pm and not without a bit of drama! Seconds before she came into the world, the baby suddenly decided to turn over, face down! What does all that mean? What's wrong? Had she remained in that position, she would not have received any air, no oxygen...but she made it! And within seconds of her arrival, I heard her cries, my just as proud gynaecologist holding her up to show me, "IT'S A GIRL ZEBBIE!!" then placed this little newborn person upon me, her two little arms clinging to me.....she was mine. The midwives needed to clean her and wrapped her in a soft blanket, returning her to my out-stretched arms. Shown how to feed her, I was then left alone to nurse my little girl....she smelt like nothing else I'd ever smelled and I loved her, with all my heart. When it was my turn to be cleaned up, she was whisked away from my arms again, every second she was gone I longed to see her again, to hold her close, to gently feel her soft skin, a peaches & cream complexion, the fingers those tiny fingers that immediately clasped mine, I stared deep into her eyes, and she held me in a trance, for hours. I longed for feed times, for bath times, for 'our time'...I still long for her. God bless this child Lord, and may she be happy today, wherever she may be.

Our little ray of sunshine....